These are challenging times, and with the need for social distancing from Covid-19, isolation and loneliness have become a pandemic of their own. I especially see it with my clients who are living alone. And let’s not forget how deeply lonely and disconnected we can feel even with a partner or family members right under your same roof. Living together doesn’t necessarily mean love and connection.The elderly are at highest risk from the damaging effects of social isolation, whether quarantined to their rooms in a retirement setting or hospitalized with not a single visitor allowed.
It’s essential that we take this increase in loneliness seriously, for our own self care and to do all that we can for those especially vulnerable. Here are some suggestions to consider:
1. Appreciate the Impact of Social Isolation: Knowledge is a Start
Many know of the seriously painful emptiness from not feeling connected. Taking it to the next level, social isolation and loneliness has been shown to present serious health issues, so much so that they are calculated as risk factors for mortality equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Many of my clients are seeking help and tips for anxiety during this time, and finding ways to awaken love and connection with others is all tied in.
2. Identify Your Touchstones: Stay in Touch with Your Crown
Extra effort is required to stay connected right now and this F word (i.e., EFFORT) is important to embrace. From there, it’s key to identify what I would call your crown of loved ones. That is, who are those with whom you can be your truest, most open self? Yes, it’s wonderful to have all kinds of connections right now, but especially nourishing is to find ways to stay in touch with those around whom we feel most safe and unconditionally loved.
3. It’s Time to Be Socially Creative
In almost every aspect of our lives, we are all being called to be strategic, creative. We have all found a growing shallowness to our personal connections due to the digital world. And now look how that problem has become one of the solutions. Below are some creative ways for connection to consider—via text, email, phone and internet. Many forms of connection involve the internet, but for some, with libraries and universities closed, the internet is not accessible at this time. So using our phones becomes the key.
Zoom and virtual socializing. Most especially common for millennials, there are a myriad of ways to
Watch movies together,
Celebrate milestones,
Hold happy hours and dinner dates,
Play shared games online,
Work out or share yoga together
Rediscover connections from the past
For other and more specific ideas, here is a Business Insider article and one from Parade
Resurrect Talking on the Phone
A somewhat diminishing cultural experience, we’ve lost track of hanging out with someone and tossing back and forth thoughts and feelings, stories and experiences, inner reflections and quirky things to laugh about together. Call for yourself and call because reaching out to someone else with compassion and care is an elixir for emptiness and loneliness. (See more in Plan for Kindness below)
Write Cards and Letters
I watch my daughter (albeit through a glass door as we social distance) write greeting cards to her most dear people. She is receiving letters from her friends as well. While we are writing these cards, and receive them, we fill ourselves with the connection we need like food.
Note: the CDC (https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/faq.html), the World Health Organization (https://www.who.int/news-room/q-a-detail/q-a-coronaviruses), as well as the Surgeon General have indicated that there is currently no evidence that COVID-19 is being spread through the mail.
Plan Window and Door Dates
Put on those masks and gloves and pull up a chair outside the door of your family members who need contact. Keeping the glass between you protects you and them, and you can still hear and see each other.
4. Connect with Yourself, Nature and Your Spirituality—AKA Resourcing
I spoke with my aunt recently who is in self isolation at a retirement living complex. I asked her what she is doing to “resource,” that is, to feel happy, peaceful, connected and mentally balanced with so much time by herself and alone. She told me she turns on music and dances in her kitchen. Or when allowed to take her daily walk, she really takes in every bit of nature that she can.
We really can’t afford to expose ourselves to that which leaves us empty. Here are some uplifting, inner-connecting, mindful opportunities I’ve been hearing about from others that you might already be enjoying and/or want to consider:
Crafting, praying, fixing something in the home, studying spiritual wisdom, cooking, reading, moving your body in your favorite way, working (if you can), painting, drumming, journaling, finding recipes, meditating, self reflecting, exploring the meaning for you in this stand still, walking outside, dancing, writing poetry, listening to music, hiking, birding.
5. Remember Pets
I have heard that in NYC, no dogs can even be adopted anymore. Whether an animal that you have already adopted into your heart, or jumping over the fence and deciding now is the time to welcome an animal into your home--animals have tremendous benefits. See my blog on the Power of animal bonds for more. https://www.drrachelglik.com/blog-posts/2018/9/3/power-of-animal-bonds-and-how-to-grieve-their-loss
6. Create a Plan of Kindness: WHO CAN I UPLIFT?
I’ve learned from studying the ancient universal wisdom of kabbalah, that when we feel empty and lonely, it’s an indicator that our system needs balancing with more emphasis on giving, caring and being busy with sharing with others. And of course, this starts with kindness towards yourself. I suggest creating a plan of kindness that can include all of the above and most especially, that which awakens your heart to others-- whom you know and to complete strangers.
Some concrete examples of self and other-kindness:
Regularly, call or write others who you sense are lonely
Keep a running list of what you appreciate, take it to the level of Radical Gratitude
Limit/Balance your time watching the news or on social media
Find the silly and awaken laughter
Be gentle with yourself
Seek ways to volunteer from afar
