Thanksgiving can be an exciting time and it can be filled with stress and emotional challenges. This is common and normal, because life itself is filled with the dark and the light. There are three main sources of stress as we approach Thanksgiving and the holidays: 1) Getting everything done (and perfectly), 2) Family dynamics, and 3) Loneliness and disappointment. Here are some tips that are good all year round to take control of the quality of your life experience, but especially handy this time of year:
Make Self-Love Your Priority
Everything good comes when we are treating ourselves with kindness and mercy. This looks to me like awakening a TRUE CARE for the quality of my life experience. It’s about my relationship with myself and my experience of being alive. “Am I having a good experience right now?”, I ask myself often. It’s my micro-meditation I use to keep me intentional about taking care of myself, from the inside out. If I’m pushing myself too hard, or doing something for the wrong reason (e.g., people pleasing or perfectionism), then questions like: Am I having fun?, Is this good for me?, Am I having a good experience right now?, slow me down, wake up my awareness to make a shift or a decision that will best serve the quality of my actual experience of being alive. The key is the care for oneself. This is not selfish but self-loving, which will extend itself out to others.
Make It Special but Keep It Simple
Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Find as many openings to LET GO as you can. This is not easy! Especially if you like things done in a certain way, if you’re creative and you perceive others have expectations of you. Mostly it’s the expectations we put on ourselves that can keep us out of balance. Do a nice job, but look out for where you are going too far. Delegate as much as you possibly can. For example, ask others to: bring a dish (or two); oversee the clean up, come up with a game, bring flowers all ready to go. This year, I’ve created a true pot luck and am using disposable plates and utensils. Unheard of for my standards of the past. Again, I’m prioritizing the quality of my life experience and taking good care of myself.
Make Your Consciousness Stronger Than Your Feelings: Happiness Is An Inside Job
Choose what you want to take up real estate in your mind. This is key for the challenging family dynamics and/or if you’re feeling lonely, sad or disappointed during the holidays. You get to decide where you put your consciousness. Here are some recommendations (not easy but well worth the effort). Try choosing to focus on:
Radical acceptance of what is, instead of EXPECTATIONS
Slow down and embrace your present reality. Take a deep breath, relax your shoulders and just be with what is right here and right now. The moment we are truly present in is always sweet.
Opening your heart for what you are blessed with
This can mean thinking of others who are going through a hard time, awakening empathy and sense of feeling the warmth of your heart toward someone else in need. This will help you feel full inside and grateful for what you have and who you are.
What you love to do and what would be most loving towards yourself.
Know Yourself and What Makes you Feel Emotionally Regulated and Grounded
We must also realize that we are responsible for regulating our emotions and taking care of our well being. Sometimes that means going for a walk, getting good sleep, checking in with a loved one who centers you, using a mantra like, “I am worthy and at peace with myself regardless of what is happening to me or around me.” The more you can spend time at the front end with getting clear about what we are thinking and feeling, what we need to feel balanced and whole, then the better you can feel prepared and manage whatever it is you’re facing with calm and equanimity.
Come to Give Not to Take (It’s Thanks-GIVING not Thanks-GETTING)
Having a giving mindset is a best kept secret for creating your own happiness and well being. Start with opening your heart and choosing to appreciate how full your life is, the more you decide you’re coming to give, the more empowered and fulfilled you will have the potential to be. Again, we need to grow our consciousness stronger than our feelings to take control of our life experience. Our natural inclination is to seek what we can get, not search for how we can give. Try this counterintuitive wisdom that is back by both science and ancient spiritual wisdom.
Wrapping It Up
So much of the anxiety, low mood and stress we face is rooted in not taking good care of ourselves, in mind, body and soul. The good news about this is that we have way more control than we often perceive over the kind of life experience we have, especially the joy and peace we can have inside ourselves. Regardless of what is going on around you or happening to you, you can always choose to keep your heart open, be loving and caring towards yourself and others, and awaken thankfulness for your blessings. May you feel overflowing with the blessings you’ve been given and express that to others as often as you can.
