I recently overheard someone say, “I didn’t even realize it’s Father’s Day this Sunday? See, we don’t really pay attention to them, do we?” Fathers are often underrated and overlooked in our society, yet from scientific research and spiritual wisdom, we know that fathers play a vital role for the potential in our lives—even when we are adult children.
You Have Everything to Gain
You might have a decent relationship with your dad, but could it be closer? Maybe your relationship with your father is not such a healthy one or an absent one; maybe he’s even passed. Nonetheless, you can still invest in strengthening your bond, whether that be on a physical, emotional or spiritual level. Moving your relationship closer with your father—relative to where wherever it is today—can open your potential for greater inner peace and self-esteem, clarity and purpose, and capacity to receive love and blessings along your soul’s journey. Your desire alone to heal and build a stronger bond will awaken forces of love and unity in the universe to support you.
Build a Closer Bond with Your Father: Tips Addressed to Adult Children
What You Can Do Within Yourself (whether he’s alive or passed)
1. Awaken the Good
Ask yourself, “What is something great my father has done for me or taught me? Write these down. Share with a friend. The deeds we focus on make them shine. This won’t bypass any hurt or disappointments you need to address, but a lens of appreciation will summon healing forces to help move your relationship closer.
2. Heal Your Inner Child
You actually can re-parent the parts of yourself carrying the burden of old wounds. You’ll benefit greatly, and the relationship with your father will too, as you lessen the emotional baggage. I recommend a trusted therapist to guide your healing process. You didn’t cause the wounds but you have a core self with everything you need to take responsibility for your feelings, to heal them and go forward to create goodness. Look for the lessons as well. Nothing helps resentment lift like finding meaning in our struggles.
3. Accept and Forgive
Forgiving doesn’t mean discounting what has happened or been missing. It means taking responsibility for your feelings and embracing human imperfection with an open heart. We all come from a lineage with some degree of trauma. As you do your inner healing and grieving, make sure to keep your sights on the humanity in your father. Society’s influence, his parent’s influence, and all the way back in your ancestors. Whatever suffering caused by your father was from his own unresolved pain and lack of tools—not from a desire to hurt you.
What You Can Do Together with Your Father
1. Communicate Openly
Ask about his life.
Open up about yours.
Use active listening skills (open ended questions, reflecting back, validating, empathy).
2. Stay in Touch Regularly with Care and Empathy
Check in on how he’s doing.
Offer to help out if you can.
Show understanding and support.
3. Find Common Ground through Shared Interests
Ask what he’s reading lately (that’s my way in with my dad)
Share an activity. You don’t always need to talk to connect.
Be prepared to teach your father of his importance and of spending time together; it’s okay if you initiate.
4. Respect Individuality & Stay Away from Differences
You’re not here to change their views, but respect their right to have them.
Acknowledge good times and changes over the years.
Unfollow on social media if you get triggered.
5. Address Old Issues Respectfully
Most of the healing will be within yourself.
Sometimes an honest conversation is healing.
Use I language (non accusatory).
E.g., When you did or didn’t…, I felt…, and what I want going forward is….
