As we flew into the headwinds of these wintry months, the battle of bad habits became an instant, constant topic with my clients. Winter can already be a vulnerable time to stay on track. Needless to say, for many of us, pandemic lockdown has only compounded our habit struggles. Openers like: I think my Netflix binging is a problem; Why don’t I go to bed at a reasonable time–I feel so much better when I do; What is with me and these sugar cravings; I keep ruminating on the negative; I’m running out of wine; I feel out of control with my phone; I’ve fallen out of my exercise routine.
We are creatures of habit, which stems from an evolutionary mechanism in our brains. Finding the best shortcut to make a decision, we tend to unconsciously use a past memory coupled with what will bring us easy, quick pleasure. These shortcuts become habits, not necessarily good or self loving ones.
We all need strategies, especially starting off in 2021, to protect us from bad habits and awaken our inherent potential to live our best life. Needing help is because we are human and it’s a self loving step to take. Here are some of my personal favorite strategies.
Get to Know Your Brain. A little Awareness goes a long way. Let’s talk briefly about DOPAMINE, the feel-good chemical. Dopamine is released in our brains when we engage in that which brings us instant pleasure. Our bodies then begin to crave this dopamine, signaling to the brain, more, more, more. This can mean craving another Netflix episode, another bowl of ice cream, a little more gossip, you get the idea. I love this youtube by Prince with a cartoon for describing dopamine and how he ended his Netflix addiction.
Slow and Steady Wins the Race. As the byline states on James Clear’s book, Atomic Habits, “Tiny Changes, Remarkable Results.” He and many others recommend not only keeping your habit changes small, but working on no more than 3 habits at a time. I usually recommend one at a time, though each person is unique.
Identify Your Keystone Habit. Many of us have a keystone habit, that one habit that once we begin adopting it, so many other good habits follow along. I like to use this sentence stem, “Something in my life is not right unless I’m ___________.”
One client today said definitively that hers is Yoga. For others it’s journaling, moving/exercising, time outside, eating healthy, acts of kindness, studying wisdom, going to sleep on time, writing. What is your keystone habit?Awaken Your Desire. Good habits start with DESIRE, the conscious thought that I want a good and better life. Listen within for what is working well for you and what is not. Breathe more frequently, in between thoughts, activities. I find this awakens my conscious thought from the slumber of my robotic mind. Change starts with a thought, but does not end there.
Focus on Your System (not the goal). We can easily get caught up in the borrowed energy from setting a goal. I continue to learn this from studying Kabbalah, that when our consciousness goes to the future about an idea or goal, we are receiving energy in potential form, and this can give us a temporary high (our good friend dopamine). But we haven’t created a vessel to manifest the change we seek, to make this fulfillment land and become ours.
We are here to change and transform, not reach a particular destination. As my teacher and friend, Monica Berg repeats, and never enough for my ears, “The process is the outcome.” To make real progress we need more than a direction (goal), we need a system for making real progress. Example: Let’s say you want to go to the next level in your business, expand your reach and profits. Rather than checking your numbers all day and spending thought energy on the outcome itself, dive into and appreciate the process. The way to reach the goal is to focus less on the goal, paradoxically, and focus on the process of growing better in your industry, of seeking others who know more than you do, taking small steps to become a better leader, looking for little creative ideas to enhance the product or service, making the work environment one that uplifts and inspires. The outcome takes care of itself. Here is an illustration I love that James Clear uses.
6. Build Fences To Keep Out Bad Habits. Self control often isn’t enough. My 3 favorite strategies to protect from bad habits–a) Identify and remove the environmental cues that trigger your habit; b) Pick a buddy; c) Invest money, this can keep us accountable.
7. Increase That Which Inspires You, Develops You. Fill your time with people and activities that help your development. We want to live being full with that which is most important to us–and simply without as much time for seeking our dopamine crushes. Not just about removing the weeds, we want to grow good grass so the weeds have less air to breathe.
