I’ll always remember the day our twenty-something daughter bravely announced, “I’ve decided to become sober.” We had no idea that alcohol was holding her back. It’s been over 2 years now and she truly exemplifies Catherine Gray’s book title, The Unexpected Joy of Sobriety: Discovering a happy, healthy, wealthy alcohol-free life.
Dry January and Sobriety are growing in numbers particularly for the millennials and gen Zers. For those who haven’t heard of the terms “New Sobriety” or “Sober Curious” these point to a new mental and physical health trend to not drink alcohol or to at least think more consciously about the decision to drink–not necessarily because you are someone with a substance abuse disorder per se, but because you recognize the often unhealthy habits and side effects that your drinking lifestyle creates.
New Year, New Sobriety
With the stress of 2021 and the pandemic lingering on in the new year, many folks are facing the sober reality that their drinking habits have gotten out of hand. To be sure, this increased substance use is not making people happier or better able to handle their lives.
Sometimes things need to get worse before they can get better. This reminds me of a Kabbalistic spiritual idea I cleave to—that the challenges we face are here to benefit us in some way, and this includes the darkness we create for ourselves. As legendary, Mary Oliver, wrote in her poem Thirst:
Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.
One silver lining of the notable rise in substance use during the pandemic is that it seems to be inspiring more people to rethink and re-decide their relationship with alcohol. Dry January* has more appeal this year than ever, especially thanks to Generation Sober and the cool factor their assigning to sobriety.
If you’re considering making some changes to your substance use, whether that be for the sake of a healthier, more mindful, fulfilling life–or if it’s a matter of life and death–here are some suggestions to help keep you safe and successful on your “Sober Curious” journey.
1. Dive Into What You’ll Gain
The sobriety movement transforms the enormous fear of loss (e.g., of fun and laughter) associated with giving up drinking. Rather, the focus is on the astonishing gains. Catherine Gray describes a sober life as bright, joyful and serene; authentic, thoughtful, and kind; clever, adventurous, exciting, capable, reliable, fun and a million times happier.
Here is what medical research says you have to gain with sobriety. Physical benefits include:
feeling better and overall increased health
better memory, focus and critical thinking;
Longer and deeper sleep
Increased energy
You look better with healthier skin and complexion
Decreased risk of long-term health issues including cancer
Better weight management and conscious eating habits
Emotional and relationship benefits, just to name a few:
Less worry and anxiety
Less chaos and greater emotional stability
Less depression
Overall better mental health
Better and closer connections with others
Chance to grow personally and spiritually
Greater self love and sense of inner strength
More motivation
2. Consume the Sober Curious and New Sobriety Literature
Filling your mind with ideas related to the benefits and “new normal” of sobriety is the beginning of creating a mindset from which your actions and decisions can follow. The more I’ve been reading myself, it’s clear to see we are in the midst of a movement—one that is removing the stigma of sobriety and opening up new doors in our culture for a life unaffected by alcohol or other substances.
Here are some books to consider:
The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober: Discovering a Happy, Healthy, Wealthy Alcohol-free Life by Catherine Gray
Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol, by Holly Whitaker
Sober Curious: The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Limitless Presence, and Deep Connection Awaiting Us All on the Other Side of Alcohol by Ruby Warrington
3. Develop a Sober Lifestyle Support System
Find others who are interested or are already role models for mindful drinking and/or sobriety. Look out for the sober bars, like here in St. Louis, we have Sans Bar STL who as they say on their website are “setting a new social standard for the relationship with alcohol.” These venues provide ways to shake it up and have fun while sober.
4. Explore Your Fears and Triggers
Maybe you can journal or speak with a mental health professional to unpack what brings you to drink, what fears, stress or insecurities you are trying to soothe. Many use the intoxicated state as a shield from whatever they don’t want to face in their lives and themselves. It’s human nature to avoid what’s uncomfortable, but it’s also our inherent capacity to face what is difficult and use it to grow and elevate our life experience. We do best to embrace our feelings, learn from them, breathe into the discomfort to find our inner strength and the wisdom we possess inside. Whatever emotions we need to face, we are better equipped when we are sober.
*Dry January Caution for Heavy Drinkers: Be Safe and Contact Your Doctor
If you drink heavily for a period of time, and be honest with yourself about this, please consult with your doctor before you go dry this January. Alcohol is one of those substances that can come with acute alcohol withdrawal associated with some serious medical complications.
