“Retail therapy” is often joked about, typically laced with a hint of guilt from seeing shopping as a vice, a weakness, an escape, a consolation from failure or rejection, or perhaps an addiction. No doubt, some of these are all too true. However, as many stores have reopened, after months of quarantine, we are seeing more keenly how a classic shopping spree can actually be good for you. And hey, I’m not just saying this because my husband is a thoroughbred in a 5th generation family clothing business.
I clearly believe that making a purchase should and can never replace therapies and life endeavors that help us heal and feel fulfilled long term. Yet, we shouldn’t dismiss some of the mood lifting and positives that give the term retail therapy an actual backbone.
SOME POSITIVES
Here are some therapeutic benefits of shopping, of course keeping in mind moderation and spending within your means.
Awakening Kindness, Towards Yourself and Others
Especially if you allow yourself to receive without shame, treating yourself to an item that brings you joy can be an act of self care and kindness. What we know about self kindness is that it creates the foundation for our capacity and desire to show kindness to others.
Relieving Stress
Any action in which we engage, when fully present, allows our nervous system to regulate and relax. There’s a term I love that Deb Dana coined in her book “They Polyvagal Theory in Therapy,” called glimmers. These are experiences that help us feel safe and connected. For many, shopping makes their glimmer list. Retail shopping can be useful and empowering especially when framed as a tool when triggered. To learn more about triggers and glimmers, Andrea Glik, LMSW writes a succinct summary in her blog, “The Nervous System, Triggers and Glimmers!”
Gaining Control
With so much happening over which we can feel little control, in our world and in our lives, the power in making a consumer choice can tip us into the empowerment side of our human experience. Once we feel more in control from shopping, this can shift our consciousness as we approach and face the challenges in our lives.
Engaging in Creativity, Aestheticism and Self Expression
Art and creativity provide a unique pleasure of their own and lift our spirits. Shopping for clothing can be a creative experience and expression of yourself. A piece of clothing opens gates for creating outfits, thinking of future events to which you might wear it, for ways you can express your ever-changing self. Some of our purchases can also serve as a gateway to other creative outlets. For example, if we purchase cooking, gardening or carpentry equipment, the possibilities become endless.
Human Connection
Entering the marketplace is often much more than simply making a purchase. We are tribal, social creatures and we seek every which way to make a connection. Whether it’s shopping with your mom, child or friend, meeting new people as you shop, or getting the feel of a town you’re in as you shop shoulder to shoulder, we fill up by being with and around people. Shopping online is fine, but cannot replace the brick, mortar and human experience.
Ritual to Mark Milestones and Transitions
Let’s start with back-to-school shopping. What a marker of growth and new beginnings. Maybe it’s for a wedding, or a new job, or even a traditional practice of shopping for a holiday. All of these can come with warmth and joy, helping us to make memories and feel connected and safe with what’s familiar. Many find buying new items as a therapeutic tool when transitioning in life, whether that be a divorce (e.g., new bedding), going off to college or moving into a different career or personal stage in life.
STAYING BALANCED
I would feel remiss if I didn’t spend a little bit of real estate here on tips for protecting yourself from the peril of consumption, of turning outside oneself for fleeting and quick fix happiness. We all know this on some level, but it can take great effort to seek fulfillment internally versus externally. Here are some tips to keep from contaminating your retail therapy behaviors.
Consciousness is key. Claim the Why in your shopping.
Perusing the list above, see what stands out to you as some of the positive reasons shopping is joyful for you. Then, let that intention permeate your mind and heart. This way, your shopping rises into the proactive versus reactive category. Decide “the why” that serves you best long term.
For example, we know that the better our mood is, and the better we feel in our bodies and about ourselves, we feel lighter, more connected to our power and more likely to shine our light to the world. So when shopping for yourself, keep awareness of the perpetuity in your indulgence, making it directed also towards being more sharing with others.
Set Some Limits
Whether that be about time or money, emotional or physical energy, decide ahead of time what feels like a balanced degree of emphasis on your shopping. We enjoy the benefits to the degree that we don’t lose total control.
Shop For Others
We can counterbalance the addictive perilous effects of shopping by channeling our love of consumption towards sharing with others. It’s a win win.
Check Yourself for Signs of Shopaholism (Compulsive Spending)
We are all at risk as human beings for allowing people and things to become our source, to become compulsive with those things that bring us physical pleasure. Journaling, pausing, listening within, speaking with a friend or therapist can help to monitor your own sense of balance. Check out this article from Psychology today for a checklist of signs to see if your spending is out of control.
Let Yourself Receive
Many have great shame in wanting and receiving in life. There’s no blessing in anything that we have when we feel guilty about it. Let yourself enjoy the experience, don’t feel guilt. The shame only makes us feel empty and then makes us more likely to try and fill up the void with more things.
