With social media growing as a tool to promote oneself and connect with others, many are finding themselves out of balance from the experience of building a public persona. I like to call this “Social Media Identity Syndrome.” To begin with, we are wired and socialized to care about how others perceive us. Today’s constant exposure to the opinions of the external world—by way of likes, comments, followers—puts us at greater risk for losing touch with the visceral experience of being an authentic human being, and having real and personal connections (especially with ourselves).
Yes, social media is a fact of life in the 21st century, a positive fact even—in business and marketing, and in our social and spiritual arenas. But too much of a social media identity can take a toll on our time, the quality of our lives and our relationship with who we are. So how can we navigate the boundaries of a social media identity and stay balanced? How can we express and expose ourselves on social media—share wisdom and stay relevant—and at the same time safeguard against FOPO (Fear of Other People’s Opinion), which social media savagely feeds?
Step 1: Know Thyself: A Social Media Identity Syndrome Questionnaire (SMISQ)
Understanding the potential side effects of building your public persona offers a baseline from which to check yourself. Ask yourself honestly, “How many of these dangers ring a bell?” (Big DING if it resonates, little ding if there’s a hint of truth.)
Do you find yourself spending too much time crafting your posts at the expense of spending quality time on what you value most?
Do you find yourself frequently, and repeatedly, checking the reactions to what you’ve posted? Or what others have posted?
Do you find the quality of your here-and-now experiences diminished from being preoccupied with making sure you document what is happening and with whom?
Do you find yourself distracted and having a harder time being in the present, being still and comfortable in your own skin?
Do you notice your self worth going up and down the ladder based on the responses to your posts?
Do you feel guilty, anxious or FOMO (fear of missing out) if you don’t post?
Do you struggle with comparing yourself with other social media handles—what they’re posting or doing in their lives?
Do you rethink or doubt how you are living your life and the choices you are making based on what you see others doing or posting?
Do you feel less at peace with yourself, or perhaps empty inside, after posting or perusing others’ posts?
Step 2: Create Good Boundaries Between the Real You and Your Social Media Identity
Here are some simple (not necessarily easy) tips to encourage living your life and connecting with others based on your authentic self (and protect yourself from the identity-eating social media monster).
PAUSE BEFORE POSTING, IDENTIFY YOUR “WHY.”
Take a deep slow breath and check your consciousness, continually. Ask and re-ask yourself the questions from the questionnaire above. Are you posting for external validation, to impress, to feel more worthy or respected by others? Or are you posting because it’s in line with your personal mission or the difference you want to make, whether it’s through your words or your services? Or perhaps your “why” is to stay connected with people who are important to you? Or to express your creativity and have some fun? Base your posts on the “why’s” that feed your inner being. Your branding will come through more purely and strong.
We must fight within our minds to lead from a place of how I want to influence versus be influenced based on others’ reactions to me. When you catch yourself seeking outside validation or coming from guilt or shame, then resist that urge to post at all right then and redirect yourself toward an activity that expresses your most authentic self. Or pause and redirect your mind to a reason for posting that feels more fulfilling and true for you.
I recently reread one of my favorite books, The Secret, by Michael Berg. In this short read, he shares that the key to true happiness comes from the experience of growing more and more into a being of sharing. Before I post on my Instagram handle (or speak publicly, meet with clients or write blogs), I do my level best to remember to check in and make sure to align myself with this ultimate purpose. Not for the outcome, or to even have an identity at all, but so that I can grow myself more into a being of sharing. That’s it, this singular focus changes everything, and is really all we need.
CREATE BOUNDARIES TO PREVENT LOSING YOURSELF
Some concrete ideas for protecting yourself from being swallowed up by the social media identity impulse include the following:
Resist the urge to keep checking your accounts for likes, follows, etc.; and the same for feeling the pressure to post with every experience. Take a deep breath and redirect your energy within yourself, when you feel the impulse to the external.
Create a true self mantra, and repeat again and again. Such as, “The power within me is greater than I can ever imagine. All I need, the wisdom, the guidance, the blessings can be found within, not outside of me.” or “I am safe to be who I really am. The joy and fulfillment I seek comes from living the truth of my inner being.”
Be Yourself, on and off the screen. Take the risk of being naturally you and expose who you are as a real person. Our daughter, Andrea, aka @somaticwitch, told me yesterday that she tries to keep it more personal by using her first name as much as she can. Though it’s a professional handle, it helps to interact in ways that keep her feeling like a human not a brand.
Nourish what keeps you grounded and fulfilled. Make your list of “Something in my life is not right unless I’m ____________________.
As an example, for me, “Something in my life is not right unless I’m… running, writing poetry, baking, studying Kabbalah, journaling, reading before bed, immersing in nature, listening to music up loud in my house, stretching, making new friends, time with my family.” You can check out this list of resources I use for myself and clients as a good starting off point to identify what it is that makes you feel whole, connected and alive in your own skin.
Sending my well wishes from me to you,
Rachel, aka @counselor4soulsearchers
